Greed.

We like to have it all. We like to have secrets. We like to surprise people. We don't like the boring or the mundane-even if it's good. We like a little bad in our lives. We are greedy. We want to keep up appearances, and go to church and spend time with our church friends, but we like to dabble in a little badness on the side, where no one can see us. Brothers, this should not be. The Bible says that we must choose. Thrice we are told that we can only choose one way-God's, or our own. Joshua is famous for telling the Israelites to "choose this day whom you will serve"; either the old, powerless gods of your forefathers or God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth. (Josh. 24:15). Jesus tells us at the end of Matthew 6 that it is impossible to serve two masters-either we will love one and hate the other, or hate one and love the other. Paul writes to the church in Galatia that our natural desires and the desires of the Spirit that God has put within us are in conflict with one another. Our old man and our redeemed and renewed new man are in a constant and daily war. We cannot please both. In everything, we must choose whether to please our God, or to please our selves.

All or Nothing

I have told you in previous posts that I believe in some crazy-sounding supernatural stuff . . . stuff like God existing before time and before earth, and then creating both with a word, a man being swallowed whole by a big fish and living inside the fish's belly to be vomited up on the shore, a man, a God-man, being conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin. This God-man, in His lifetime, was able to walk on water. Some time later, He died and rose from the dead after 3 days.
It is popular now to believe some of these things, or to believe all of them only to a certain extent, or to believe in a kind of hybrid miracle, like theistic evolution, or the parting of the Red Sea caused by some odd but scientifically explainable meteorological event, but that requires little, if any, faith. When Diane Sawyer asked Mel Gibson if he believed that every word of the Bible is true, he replied with an enthusiastic and unequivocal yes. "Either you believe all of it or none of it." True 'dat!

Jesus' Model of Prayer

It is called The Lord's Prayer, but really it should be every Christian's prayer.

Matthew 6:9-13

"Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen."

The beginning of the prayer tells us who God is and why He deserves our praise. He is our provider, and gives us all we need to live each day. He grants us forgiveness, and He also expects us to forgive others. He delivers us from sin and Satan.

Later that evening . . .

I don't know if it was the iced tea at dinner, or the chocolate In-n-Out shake mixed with coffee, or the hot chocolate spiked with coffee from breakfast, but my mind is racing and I fear that my thoughts will wake me up in the night if I don't let them escape my brain. First, I have been thinking about the subject of my previous entry, and of the great friends who commented on it. Then, I thought back on camp, and how Mr. M. and I spent a good while talking to one of the students who had gotten baptized, and to her parents who drove 6 hours to witness this important moment in her life. I thought about a young girl who was baptized last year at camp, and how excited Mr. M was. He would make an excellent father. He is a wonderful husband to me, and his love for these kids makes me so proud. I am also proud of him and thankful that he printed out a picture of my dear friend Jen, whose words grace my previous post, for me. And now as I will soon lay on my pillow, it will be with thoughts of God running through my mind. Specifically, the thought that He loves me and cares for me like my dad (only more), yet He is eternal and as strong and powerful today as He was when He parted the Red Sea so long ago. Sweet dreams.

Camp

Mr. M and I went to a woodsy mountain retreat with 200 college kids this weekend. I had been looking forward to the weekend for months. However, this previous week was a bad one for me healthwise, and made me nervous even to the point of reconsidering going. I didn't want to get sick-have tremors-in front of the kids. I guess I wanted to hide my humanity. I went anyway, I felt fine and I had a blast. I remembered my friend who, even in her last year of life when she was in almost constant pain from cancer, did not hesitate to spend time with others, even surrounding herself with her beloved college kids, and she never put on an act or pretended that it didn't hurt. She embraced her humanity and her weakness, proving that God's power is truly evident in our weakness. I will be forever grateful to have known Jen and to have seen her live in complete and courageous trust in God. These are some of her words:

Friends have been telling me how brave I have been these last twenty months. True it is that the past has had daily afflictions-the symptons of that curse we have all been dealt...but the idea of a personal valiancy makes me pause and consider those symptoms. I have not felt brave. The wasting away of my earthly home, the destruction of my outer nature, the tent constructed of chest and arms and ivory skin and brown hair is progressively being dismantled. While I haven't lost heart, it more than occasionally seemed misplaced or hiding. The Apostle Paul reminds me of the objective inner reality that "I am of good courage" and not only that, but "I am always of good courage." (2 Corinthians 5:1-10) How does the impossibility of courage become not just possible but guaranteed?

God is Himself preparing me for a change of address. I am moving out of this dirty and deteriorating temporary shelter that is me into a heavenly and lasting home, never to be relocated. This new home designed by God "eternal in the heavens" will never need a remodel. A raw look in the mirror and the insufficiency causes a sigh of shame: scars of imperfection, a pale color caused by weakness, a chair beside me to relieve the burden of standing. I still haven't removed the old calendar taped to the mirror. July reflects that last chemotherapy appointment. I should probably take down that reminder of painful moments gone by, yet the human capacity to count-down to painful days not yet marked will still be there. Taking another glance at my reflection, I know that it will be difficult to say goodbye to the eyes staring back at me. I want to live. I really do want to have this scarred body for just awhile longer. As Paul says, "not that I would be unclothed" I want God to "further clothe" me so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.

So what do I do? Regardless of how many Januarys I will have to purchase new calendars it is my aim to please the Lord and I think I am biblical in saying it is courage that pleases. I am learning that I can bring delight to the heart of God by believeing something that is really hard to believe...so hard to believe because nothing here can prove it to me and there is little discoverable evidence available to convince myself of it. Such belief is so crazy, I might venture to say it requires faith? I am to live believing the claim of Philippians 1:21 that "to live is Christ and to die is gain...to depart and be with Christ...that is far better!" To take hold of that and to trust such truth is what produces the courage that pleases God. My life here is Christ and when I die, then my real life is even more Christ. I suppose that is why Paul could say, "with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death."

I've been in many worship services with music that extols the better-ness of being with Jesus. I always sing with some hesitancy. Pleasant moments talking with mom and dad...silly moments of laughter with my twin sister...peaceful moments resting in my husband's arms...will it really be better? I can't know for sure. Well, I can know by faith, but not with a knowledge gained by sight.

When my husband and I moved to the desert, time necessitated that he secure a home for us without me first ever stepping inside. Being rather selective, it took a small degree of trust on my part to believe that he was moving me to a dwelling capable of safety and beauty. He did a pretty good job. The cupboards aren't ideal and the fixtures were a bit brassy but despite these features I am content with our home. Home is where he is. Our Lord knows our deepest hope and what will ignite great joy in our soul and newly glorified body. He is moving me into that house where every expectation will be far surpassed and the ugly features replaced with divine designs. I will be home. Home because that is where He is and by faith I know it will be far better.

Something You Wouldn't Want to Lose.

This was the topic for our daily journal entries for English class one day. As a clever (if I do say so myself), and somewhat smart$@! 9th grader, I thought my answer was pretty good. I wrote that I wouldn't want to lose my future. "I want to be successful in life, and even if I'm not, I want the opportunity to try." We turned in our journals, and the teacher drew a big question mark next to this entry. My response was to write over the question mark, "Duh! If you can't understand this, than maybe you shouldn't be an English teacher." I think I would've really liked my younger self if I met her today.

Just so you know, I grew up in a pretty liberal house, with pretty lenient parents. It is just now dawning on me that not all kids grew up thinking like me or talking like me. Especially the talking part.

Adventures In The Recycle Bin

I was thinking about TV this morning. I was thinking about how I would never watch TV during the day until we got TiVo. The commercials on daytime television are just way too depressing, as they all imply that the only people who ever watch TV during daytime hours are uneducated, jobless ne'er-do-wells. I was deep in thought when I went out to get the mail. We got an advertisement from the local grocery store, and a piece of important mail. As it is trash and recycle pick up today, our trash and recycle cans were out. Having the recycle-bound advertisement in my hand, I figured I'd save myself a trip and just put it directly into the big recycle bin. So I did. But then, I looked down at my hand, and there was the advertisement. I had accidentally put the important mail in the recycle bin and kept the ad, and the recyclables had already been collected, so the important document was at the very bottom of a very tall and very empty can. Ugh! I went to the can and tipped it over, and tried to reach the letter. I couldn't. I had to crawl inside the plastic can and retrieve the mail. Good thing my neighbor had just driven up in her Mercedes. That completed the picture. And it all happened because of TV. No good can come from TV.

Notable Family Presents

My family is not so good at giving gifts; but we are funny about it. Some of the best presents I got from my dad. We share the same sense of humor, and we see silliness where others see sentimentality. On my 8th birthday, he got me a 10-pound dumbbell. No, that wasn't a type-o. He got me one dumbbell. ONE. For one Christmas, he secured a can of tuna inside of a roll using a rubber band, and that was my gift. The year I worked at McDonald's, he got me a Big Mac and left it wrapped (in nice Christmas wrapping paper) under the tree. For my wedding, he found an old, burnt, and splintering hammer by the side of the road and gave that to me. He may have thought that was a good joke, but that hammer has come in handy more than I could tell you.

The Truth No One Wants to Believe

We are just finishing up the Gospel of Mark at my church. Jesus is near the end of His life on earth. He's been arrested by the Roman Guard and taken to Pilate. Pilate sees that He has done nothing deserving of any punishment, let alone death. But Pilate was afraid of the crowd and wanted to appease them. The crowd wanted to see Jesus crucified. Pilate asked the crowd why, why they wanted to crucify Jesus. The only answer they gave was, "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" They were confused and riled up, and offered no good reason for their desire to see Jesus crucified.
I think this is very similar to our society today. It seems that no one wants to know God, the only true God, who hates sin. We live in a society that loves tolerance. God is not tolerant. It's not OK with Him that you're living with your boyfriend. It's not OK that you stay up late to look at porn. It's not even OK with Him that you stole that candy bar when you were a kid. Most people want to be autonomous. They want to do whatever they like and not be held accountable for it. So who would want to serve a God who has authority over every one and every thing? People who want to know and serve the true and living God. Even when that means giving up your autonomy.

Cinco de Mayo Safety.

I barely stopped in time. But I did. I came close to hitting the car in front of me. But I didn't. The driver of the car didn't go when the light turned green. Instead, she got out of her car and walked toward the rear to see if I'd hit her. I hadn't, and I knew it. I had no doubt. Since I knew exactly what I hadn't done, I sat calmly in my car while she satisfied her mind with the knowledge that all was fine. Her suspicions were proven wrong. There is a metaphor, an allegory, a spiritual lesson here. I just know it. I suspect it has to do with grace. While the woman was looking at the non-existent damage, I sat smugly in my car, happy in knowing I had caused no harm. Did I have the right to congratulate myself? No. Clearly, I should have stopped sooner. I shouldn't have given the driver any cause for alarm or a suspicion of foul play on my part. To what, then, do I attribute that unoffensive episode, if not to my good driving? To grace. I attribute it to grace. Now for the allegorical meaning: I was confronted earlier this week by someone who denies the deity of Christ, and His bodily resurrection. I know better. Is that because of my superior intelligence? No. It is because of God's kind grace that I know the truth.

Micro-Physio-Biology

These college kids, they have their own language. It is entirely up to me to interpret what they're saying, and pretend I know what they're talking about. I asked one of the students her major. She said, "micro-physio-biology." Hmmm. OK, micro is small. Physio has something to do with science, anatomy, and organs. Biology is the study of life. So, putting all that together, I conclude that this girl studies the organs of small life forms. I keep my interpretation to myself and smile and nod and wish more people would have one-word majors like English or math.

Missionary Mindset

For the past few years, I have been reading about friendship, and asking myself what qualities I look for in a friend. This has been an informative, but at times frustrating, exercise. Lately, though, I've been reading the memoirs of missionary wives, and in their sincere desire for a friend, the only quality they really care about is someone who speaks English. Having similar theology is a bonus, as is being in the same season of life (single, married, motherhood), but that is secondary to simply speaking English. Maybe when we have so many choices, we set our sights too high.