Adventures and Atrophy, Fear and Photos

I'm about to give my kayak to a friend, so I've been reminiscing on all the good times I had on my little boat. I enjoyed many years of being both captain and crew of my very own sea-faring vessel. It's time for someone else to enjoy it now. Thinking back on the many outdoorsy, physically challenging things I've done, I did a lot of it because of future uncertainty. I was diagnosed with a movement disorder over 10 years ago, and not knowing what the future might hold, I wanted to do as many things as I could while I could. So even when it was hard, I pushed myself and made myself do things that were scary-just so I would have the memories of doing it. I was afraid of the progression of the disease, afraid that I might eventually lose the ability even to walk, so I wanted to do stuff, and I wanted photographic proof that I had done stuff. That was a long time ago, and although the disease is degenerative, so that while I am technically worse than ever, my neurologist and I have spent so much time getting just the right meds and doses so that I have fewer symptoms than I have had in a long time.

I'm not giving up doing stuff; my stuff is just different now. I still don't know what the future may hold, but my priorities are different. Instead of filling my photo albums with pictures of me on a bike, a trike, a kayak, after a 5K, I'd rather fill my photo albums with pictures of friends, and have memories of great conversations I've had, and other intangible things. Today, I went for a walk with a friend and we had great conversation (both on the walk and sitting at Starbucks), and then Mr. M and I had a picnic in the park with our Bible Study, playing games and getting to know each other. Those are the activities I prefer-activities that deepen relationships.