Friday, February 05, 2016

Trusting God in a Storm of Uncertainty


I like to be certain.  I'm not a huge fan of surprises.  I like to be prepared.  I'm not the type who freaks out when something unexpected happens or who likes to be detailed, but I do like to have a road map, a general sense of direction when it comes to my days and my life.  I don't mind detours or delays, and I enjoy an unexpected scenic outlook, just so long as I have a map.  Right now, I don't have a map.  I have bits and pieces, but I won't be able to see the whole map, I won't be able to see the whole picture for a few months; that means I don't know what's ahead, and how do you prepare for something that you don't know?  I have a few good ideas that I've been really trying (pray, trust God, remember His promises, pray, ask for help, confess to God and to others that I am boggled and befuddled, think about things that are true,stay calm, find others who can give me helpful advice, and pray some more), and I have one really bad idea that seems to be my brain's default system even though it is entirely useless and unhelpful: worry.

Mr. M and I have bought a house for a dear relative who is not at the top of her game health-wise.  Now, I would be really bummed out if I surprised a friend with a coffee drink and she didn't like it.  I would have wasted several dollars, and I'd be disappointed for having done that.  Not to brag, but this house was more than several dollars.  If said relative comes and refuses to live in the house, we will have wasted quite a few dollars, and we-meaning I-will have to escort her home (across the country.) This would fall on me, since Mr. M has a job and all, and can't just take off for several days.  This would be a bad situation, since I have nerves of spaghetti, and my relatives nerves are even more jelly-like than mine.  So flying would be out.  We'd have to drive across the country.  But see what I did there?  I'm already driving my relative home because she hates it here, when in reality, she hasn't even come out yet.  Do you see why I'm memorizing 1 Peter 5:7, casting all your cares on Him because He cares for you?  And trying with all my mental might to put into practice Phil. 4:6 and think about the things that are real and true??

In writing this, it is my hope and prayer that you will pray for me and Mr. M and our relative, and also that you will be encouraged to know that you aren't the only one who struggles with anxiety--assuming you do, and if you are a woman, I'm almost sure you do.  You aren't alone.

4 comments:

Ebeth said...

Praying for all of you. Remember Matt. 6:34 also "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

The White Wave said...

Thanks for reminding me of that.

When a Picture Just Isn't Enough said...

Thank you for writing this! I can now pray for you even more specifically before, because I understand so well...my heart can echo everything you said in the first paragraph. And that is why I have had to meditate on 1 Peter 5:7 and Phil. 4:6-8 for the past 20+ years - and also Matthew 6:34. In these times that I don't have the roadmap that I am so sure that I need, I have to remember that His commands are clear and I need only obey and trust Him. We can deal with today and trust Him for tomorrow. This is *hard*, friend, and I am praying for you and will continue to pray!

When a Picture Just Isn't Enough said...

I just realized that Elizabeth stated Matt. 6:34 earlier! Well - I second the notion! :-) I'm praying for your relative, too, and for Mr. M.