The Mysterious Mustache.

I was both mesmerized and perplexed. The man sitting next to me at lunch had a full, dense and lustrous upper lip of hair, but not much to speak of on top. The mustache was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Unbelievably thick, it looked like a stationary earthworm made of short hairs . . . and lumps. The hairs were so thick that they just blurred together into what looked like one long and skinny lump. I went to bed with a picture of the mysterious mustache embedded in my head, and then it hit me like lightning! Mascara! I was toying with the idea of some kind of lumpy paint-gone-wrong experiment on the man's face, but then I realized mascara was so much more easily available, and so much easier to apply. Mystery solved.