Avian Soccer Moms of Awesometown

To the eternal shame and disgrace of its residents, the suburban metropolis wherein I reside has given itself the nickname of Awesometown. Awesometown, like many of the newer suburbs, is known for its soccer moms. Their offspring are often spoiled and overprotected by loud and intimidating mothers. This soccer mom phenomenon has now spread to our wildlife. Right outside my house there lives in a tree a loud and intimidating bird who takes pleasure in divebombing me and scaring me out of my wits, making me wary of leaving the safety of my home. I haven't met the kids, but judging by the attitude of their mother, I can only assume they are spoiled brats. Theirs was probably the first nest on the block to have a Wii and a home theater. Walking near their nest one day, I found a note written in pencil that said this: "Hit List: 1. Worms 2. Hunters 3. Mrs. M." Those birds are out to get me, I tell 'ya! Awesometown is not so awesome anymore.