Personal Dating History

My first boyfriend, and amazingly enough this is not an alias, was Freedom. We were in 4th grade. We had a little mock wedding ceremony, after which I made my friends call me Liberty. The entirety of our relationship consisted of seeing Snow White in the movie theater, and it all ended with my chasing him around the perimeter of the playground. Heartbreak is so much easier to deal with in 4th grade. Then, there was Brian in 5th grade. That was a short lived affair. I was really in love with Edward, because of his kind and sensitive soul. He was the only boy in class who didn't point and laugh when I sneezed in my vocabulary workbook, ruining several pages with my spittle. There was also Roman (his real name), who I would have married just because he had such a great name. In 8th grade, I was secretly in love with Stephen, all because he made a really funny joke once. Nothing ever came of it. I had a boyfriend in 9th grade, and we would walk to a burger joint every so often, and talk on the phone a lot. Then I became a Christian and immediately began dating a boy from church. We had good talks, and we were pretty serious for teenagers. Unfortunately, we made a hobby of breaking up and getting back together. He is now happily (and productively!) married. Then, I found out that I was dating D. I didn't know I was dating D. We were roller skating partners, and we were good partners. I liked skating. I liked D; but I didn't like like D. So I called him to break up when I found out he like liked me. He didn't get it. So, not knowing what else to do, I drove my big yellow van an hour north to a scenic rock formation. There was not a soul in sight, and I climbed very high. Then I looked down and froze. How was I going to get down? Would I die of exposure? Would I be kidnapped by bandits? Eaten by wolves? Apparently, I somehow got down alive-but still I had to break up with D. . . . again. Well, I did, and D. is also happily married. I became a Christian at 15, and I got engaged to Mr. M at 19, and for the life of me, I can't imagine how I had time to seriously date a boy from church for what seemed like years and have a weird and undefined relationship with D. in those 4 short years.