Telling Stories

As much as I enjoy writing, it is so much easier and more fun to do when I know my audience. Most of what I write on my blog is really stories, thoughts and ideas that time constraints don't allow me to share with my friends in person. The best example of this is Persnicketta, who, on account of her mysterious life and her daily activities with the CIA or FBI or Special Ops or whatever it is she does, I rarely have the opportunity to sit down and talk with her. My blog content is what I don't have time to tell her-or other friends-in person. I owe her-and other friends who are pressed for time-a great deal of gratitude. It is with her in mind that I share this (mostly fictitious)story.

Dear Friends,
I am overwhelmed with regret to the point of sleep deprivation on account of the information of my youthful days I have so deceptively been hiding from you throughout all the time of our intimate acquaintance via blog. My failure to share this information was in part due to my own selfish desire to put this all in the past and begin a new life. I am deeply sorry if the true facts of my birth and infancy hurt anyone. I have truly loved you all and considered you genuine friends.
The first confession regards the truth behind my birth. I have neglected to disclose these facts to anyone. The fact previously known only to my parents and myself is that I was born wearing a leotard and carrying a pickle. This unusual circumstance made me a natural for the circus, so in my younger days, I was sent off to the traveling circus to have my skills assessed and perfected. I regret to have withheld from all of my friends that I currently hold the world championship in hog-calling, and have been touring with the circus for the last 8 years. This is where I met Mr.M, who travels with the same circus performing his act which consists of walking, telling jokes, jump-roping, and editing audio and visual recordings, all while standing on his hands.
It is my sincere wish that you will not judge me, or any other circus performer, or any baby born wearing a leotard.

Thank you for providing a safe harbor for my secrets.
Sincerely, j.otis merster (A.K.A. “Sue E.”)



I would like to take this opportunity to put to an end the rumors that I was obtained in a trade with some Gypsies. (It has been speculated that I was obtained in trade for a tire pump.)