Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Aerial Assaults

I have been more consistent in taking morning walks through the neighborhood. These are no leisurely strolls; more often than not, I am fending off the vicious attacks and threats of a dangerous gang of birds. Fortunately for my head, I always wear a blue hat, first to protect me from the sun's harmful UV rays, and now to protect me from the wings, beaks, feet, and anything else these menacing birds may use to inflict bodily harm on my person-hammers, bats, pipes, Nerf balls, etc. I have tried taking my safety concerns to the authorities, but they keep insisting they can do nothing about these ornithological assaults without "proof." Well, here it is. I found this note on the ground, right under the nest of the main ringleader bird. I call this proof positive of these birds' malevolent intentions towards me. If this isn't the definitive proof they need, I don't know what is!

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