Wednesday, November 26, 2014

A Toxic Friendship

We'd been friends for years, Caffeine and I.  Sometimes Caffeine could change my whole outlook on life.  Caffeine-Caffie, as I like to call her-could make a bad day good or make a good day better.  She could turn a horrible, headachy day into a happy and healthy day.  Things started going south when I started to need Caffie.  I started to rely on her. I needed her to make me more social, more conversant.  There were days when I may not have left my house but for the siren song of Caffeine.  Things between us came to a head one night when, because of Caffie, because she was actually in my blood, a vital part of me, she kept me up all night.  Even though we hadn't had the pleasure of each others' company for hours, I couldn't get her out of my head.  That night spent staring wide-eyed at the ceiling was a wake-up call.  (Which is ironic, since I never fell asleep in the first place.)  I knew then that things between us must end.  I left suddenly, abruptly, and completely.  I am learning to be alone with myself again, to enjoy my own company.  I am finding that I don't need Caffie to define myself.  I am my own person.  I see now that Caffie just wanted to change me and was unwilling to accept me for who I am.  I have been spending more and more time with Tea, who is so much more laid-back and accepting of me as a person.

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