Dear Amy--Dec. 6

I've heard that a good way to deal with mental illness in the family is to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings; so that is what this is: my thoughts and feelings as I go through this dark valley of mental illness, presented as letters to a friend.

Last night, I finally felt defeated.  I felt like she had broken me.  As determined as I was not to let her get to me, she got to me last night.  It wasn't so much what she said, it was just the whole situation.  I'm so tired of it.  As usual, since there is absolutely no point in trying to use reason or have any kind of conversation with her, I just nodded in assent to everything she said.  So when she asked me if I was just in a bad mood last night, I answered with a simple, "Yep."  She walked out of the room and immediately came back in, apparently having forgotten her momentary anger at me.
When I got home, I read John 1, since I am reading through the Gospel.  As I read, and immediately remembered the greatness and mystery of the God who knows and loves me, I was reminded of the verse that says His Word restores my soul.  (That is from either Psalm 19 or 119.)  I fell asleep pouring out my soul to God, thinking of Hannah and how when she made her request from God, she reminded Him of His past faithfulness to Israel.  So as I asked God for strength and endurance, I reminded myself of the many times He's been so faithful to protect and deliver me in the past.